Sunday, August 19, 2012

Marriage they say is about Love

Had not been for this topic given by IndiBlogger & Sony entertainment television and the courage to actually pen your real life thoughts on moments I  have lived, I wouldn’t have dared to write on this topic. For others it may be a second hand version that happened to someone else but I have lived, crossed the dividers and given a harsh slap on the face of people who overreact to what they believe are ‘Spoilt no ideal no India marriages’ and what is more popularly known as ‘Love Marriage’.

I had always believed that I was different and I understand most of the girls think the same. However more than physical appearance and sexual attractions, I valued intelligence and abilities in a person. By that I did not mean that I wanted to marry Einstein but that I was attracted by people who were presentable, good at conversations and intelligent in a sober way. And I got all that when I met my husband back in 2007. We both had joined our very first job together in the same batch as college hires for the world’s top Software Company.  My boyfriend (now my husbandJ) was everything I would ever enjoy my life with and around. Added to that he is good looking and his sense of humor beats all Diamond comics’ characters. He is someone I had cried, fought, got back, laughed and gotten mad with. Most importantly, he is the one with whom it seems I have grown up personally and professionally.  We still fight, we still go for rides and we still love life like we did when we first met. You would think if everything was so good what would have been the reason for me advocating the courage I needed to write this article for? Well as Sachin Tendulakar said ‘There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there is Master card.’  In our case Master Card did not work that well err.. to start with I am a Hindu and he is a Sikh and I care 2 cents about that making a difference to our marriage back then and any day now, but some people did.

From 2008 to 2012 there were a series of incidents that shook my confidence in the pillars what they call ‘Bhartiya Sanskriti’. I have had a good education and a career so far. My parents are of progressive nature and they themselves had an understanding marriage (back in their time ‘Love marriage’ wasn’t a usable term). My in-laws are cooler than my parents. They don’t care about my religion, my culture, the Gods I worship or whether I am a veggie or indulge in fishes and shrimps. As long as WE are happy both are families are happy. But what will happens to the Aunties and Uncles, the Sharmas and Malhotras, Chinkis and Chunkis? What would they do without gossip? ‘Ladka Hindu nahi hai? (The guy isn’t from our caste), ‘These people educate their daughters and this is what happen when they start working.’ And many more random comments. 

I still remember the first time I went home after my parents had announced my wedding and there was a call from some relative enquiring about the groom’s religion and what would happen later in our lives. My father had strongly declined talking to this uneducated and poking chap after that very call. Some months back I heard the news of his daughter getting married to some boy who apparently had a bright degree from Australia and was settling there after marriage. They conveyed that the marriage was an arranged one and that their daughter was very traditional unlike someone who had married out of religion. The irony of the situation is that the dowry given to appease the groom was more than twice the money spent on the groom’s education by his parents. The girl’s parents mustn’t have spent that much on her education considering she flunked almost every other year and failed to complete her graduation.  The ‘Rightly called Bhatiya Nari’ is sitting at home chatting on facebook while I struggle with my job and work@home to find time for writing this article.  She started visiting psychiatrist for stress caused by shifting to Australia and all the work she has to manage there and finally ended up divorcing her husband for reasons not known err.. at least to myself, the Sharmas and Khannas know the story for sure though. When my mother told me this over the phone yesterday, all I managed was an ‘Oh’. I felt bad, not for the parents but for the daughter. On the other side I can revive myself in stressed moments very fast for I have earned the safety and stability of a good career and the decision of choosing a suited life partner. God forbid, if something goes wrong tomorrow between us, I wouldn’t want to run to my parents or blame them for imposing this marriage on me. I know WE would be able to sort out any problem any day with understanding and maturity. 

Our marriages, we married thrice :)
By this article I don’t condemn Arranged marriage, I criticize the people who treat one marriage as better and more stable than the other for reasons unproved. Marriage depends upon bonds that cannot be arranged.  
 
An arrange marriage without love would fail as miserably as a love marriage with lost love. 

What are your views? ‘Love or arranged?’. Want to know more? Watch Sony entertainment’s LOVE Marriage Ya ARRANGED Marriage!!

68 comments:

  1. nice post :) all the best!!

    have a look at this one too when you get time and do promoteit on indiblogger if you like it :)

    http://saurabhchawla2345.blogspot.com/2012/08/love-is-arranged-by-god-4.html

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Saurabh, will surely do that when I read it. I have just started going through the entries though :)

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  2. Thank God I put in my post before yours Poorvi! Views are similar, though mine are not from personal experience

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  3. Entirely agree with you. Am reminded of a lovely blonde proposing to George Bernard Shaw. When he flinched at her appearance, she cooed, "Just think how our children would be; with your intelligence and my beauty." Shaw responded, "But what if they are born with your intelligence and my beauty?"

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    Replies
    1. Oh my, what a dialogue. I think I am lucky in my case, either ways things cant be super screwed :)

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  4. feels good to read about your journey so far Poorvi. You have shown appreciable fortitude!

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    1. Thanks Diwakar, you know when you have to put your foot down to people who don't matter much :)

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  5. Lovely post, and all the more so as it is your own, Poorvi. And all the best for the contest :-)

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    1. Thanks Sudha :) Yeah totally mine, I still face issues sometimes but who cares :)

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  6. You seem to have written this post in a hurry...Doesn't have the usual technical finesse the rest of your posts have..But anyway, I guess matters of the heart come out in a rush..:-) I liked the way your life has shaped up so far...Best of luck...for the rest of your married life as well as for the contest....

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  7. Kudos Poorvi for bringing out the reality so strongly in your blog. I have kinda faced the same in my life, and can quite understand the predicaments that girls have to go through (emotional balckmail, bahrtiya sanskriti shit). Anyway best of luck for the contest :)

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  8. Thanks Ghata.What an absolutely beautiful name you have :)

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  9. Nice post Poorvi...all the est for the contest

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  10. I simply loved it and thanks for liking mine.........do keep visiting

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    1. Thanks Suparna. Sure, I am always on the lookout for good posts :)

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  11. Hi Poorvi, you have nicely written about the ugly truth.. you mentioned an 'uneducated and poking chap'.. when love marriage is concerned, even educated people behave so badly regarding bhartiya sanskriti and all that, sometimes it really makes me think that- are they actually educated or they had just went to the institutes but learnt nothing..
    All the best..god bless you..

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    Replies
    1. I know, education has failed to better the behaviors of people :)

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  12. The BOLDED conclusion says it all. Good writeup!

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  13. I believe a broken marriage may not always be a outcome of lost-love, at times individual ego overpowers everything else and then it hardly matters whether it was love or arrange marriage. Do read my short story here : http://theshittanalysis.blogspot.in/2012/08/Expectations-LoveYaArrange.html : I Believe to certain extent its all about managing expectations.

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    Replies
    1. May, 'ego' plays a strong role in breaking not only marriages but also professional relationships. But if you are in Love, your ego is priority-2 most of the time :)

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  14. so your marriage is THREE times Stronger now .. loved the thought and enjoyed reading it all .. heres wishing you a happy happy happy marriage .. I thought I will say it thrice tooo :) all the best

    Bikram's

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    Replies
    1. Power('Thanks Bikramjit',3)!! Its a code logic to say Thanks 3 times :)

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  15. Very truly quoted.'an arranged marriage without love would fail miserably as love marriage with lost love'. It's all about perception, at the end if couples would have no love in between them either it ends to divorce or suffocation :(

    I have also written something related ( not for the contest): 'do you believe in the institution of marriage?' : gayatriexploring.blogspot.in

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    Replies
    1. Appreciate your thoughts Gayatri, I will surely give it a read :)

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  16. an interesting read Poorvi and the best part is originality in your blog...
    u people looking so sweet together ..stay blessed
    all the best!

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  17. lovely post Poorvi,liked each and every line in your article.
    www.redchillycurry.com

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    Replies
    1. Now, I just love the name of your blog - redchillycurry, A thunder bird name :)

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  18. That's a nice entry, Poorvi :). In case you are able to do a post on a similar subject with the angle of humour, would love to have your participation on this contest I'm running here on the theme of my book - Just Married, Please Excuse:

    http://www.yashodharalal.com/2012/08/the-just-married-please-excuse-contest.html

    Hope to see you there :)

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    Replies
    1. Nice to know Yashodhara. I will check it out for sure this weekend and will give it a try.

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  19. Nice post Poorvi :)... Congrats on your marriage too.. :)

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  20. You made bachelors more confuse Poorvi ;)
    Better I would discuss you before getting engaged. :P

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    Replies
    1. Ah nothing like that :) Go with the heart.

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  21. It's always heartening to know that girls are exercising the luxury of choice and freedom (and hopefully, more will in future)but sadly the same luxury for many in our country is a taboo or well, not so traditional.

    "An arrange marriage without love would fail as miserably as a love marriage with lost love." sums it all up beautifully.
    :)

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  22. Very interesting read Poorvi....

    My views : Doesn't matter whether the marriage is love or arranged !! What matters is the values with which we all are brought up. Once the value foundation is strong, you are more likely to get along in personal or professional life.
    Today's most disheartening fact is the value system that we are inculcating in our children. I have 2 daughters and the value system given to them is most critical to me - believe me, it is not the marks, grades or anything else... i want to see what values they can stand for in life. Will they have guts to oppose anything that is not as per their value systems.

    Well, don't want to go too long with this. Currently, i am trying to impart knowledge on financial freedom to anyone whom i can. A financially free person with a good value system can contribute immensely to society, nation and humanity at large. I do not know how many will come along with me but i am clear of the direction i have taken in life.

    Take care !!
    and do visit my financial freedom blog when you have time
    http://ratrace2freedom.blogspot.in/

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    Replies
    1. That is one way of looking at it. I get your idea of value system but values are a subjective point my friend :)

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  23. It is overwhelming to know that you married the man of your dreams. My brother in law is also from a different caste than ours, but trust me one thing I can say is they both a perfect decision to marry each other even after all my buas and masis and uncles and aunties opposing it.
    I'm glad my parents let my sister made this decision peacefully and happily. Wish the same for me. :P :)

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    1. Thats nice to hear :) I do wish the same for you girl!!

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  24. nice one Poorvi ----we share the same thoughts --thanks for promoting my post
    regards
    rajni

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  25. I personally have seen a lot of people saying a lot of things about love marriage even if its inside ones caste and creed lines but always found it weird that more than the parent the relatives object. Who is to live the life? Its just the 2 people who are getting married that matter first and their immediate families as they are closest to the man and wife.

    I totally agree with the last line of your post :).

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  26. i loved it not only because of the honest way you;ve put it across, but because of the essence of it. that marriage without love is lost.
    you;ve given me tons of inspiration to fight the khanna's and sharma's :P

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    1. Thanks Geetanjali. I am glad if this gives you inspiration :)

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  27. You guys look good while smiling.

    Keep it that way.
    God bless,
    Mukesh
    here's my entry - http://mukeshrijhwani.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/love-ya-arrange/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have read this book and found it very productive. Thanks for sharing the extraordinary knowledge.
      black magic specialist baba Ji

      Delete
  28. Frankly speaking i would like to get arrange marriage instead of love marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thanks for sharing the famous stories about it. I enjoyed reading as well as learned too.
    love marriage specialist

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  30. Love can also be happen after marriage. BTW nice article. God bless. :)

    Marraige Experts

    ReplyDelete
  31. What a post poorvi ! loved reading every bit of it. Also was more connected to your anger in the narration as I m from love marriage clan. Also make it worst a muslim hindu marriage. Imagine north pole drifting towards Antartica. I have seen al this and at the end of the day I am happy to make it happen and to make it survive. Respect you. Write more often.
    http://neoimaginations.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
  32. It is really very nice feeling to see a happy couple feeling so loveing and warmth. Really appreciable.

    love marriage specialist

    ReplyDelete
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  35. Marriage is the final stage of love and in marriage there are a lot of problems between husband and wife so to solve those problems need to get help of husband wife problem solution specialist for remove those problems.
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  36. I like your way of writing this post.I like it very much.If anyone have problem in his marriage life then the Husband and wife dispute problem can be solved by the help of love marriage astrology specialist.
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  37. hi.good write up!!thanks for sharing the post.make your wedding more memorable with sankar live music wedding events.sankar is one of the best singers in bangalore.he performed many corporate events like INTEL, IBM,Centum Electronics, Wipro, Accenture, TATA Group, Karle and many more..

    ReplyDelete
  38. It is nice that you shared your Love story here.Some people of our society against of love,i don't know why they think like that love is a crime? It is natural that we attract towards someone and starts love him/her.Sometimes love birds have to face many problems in their love relation due to cheap mentality of people but after convincing them all become well.
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    ReplyDelete
  39. Like your views here.Marriage is a sacred bond between two spouses and their relatives.There are many rituals are performed during marriage.India has different types of culture.People from different type of culture have different ablution.
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    ReplyDelete
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