Sunday, August 19, 2012

Marriage they say is about Love

Had not been for this topic given by IndiBlogger & Sony entertainment television and the courage to actually pen your real life thoughts on moments I  have lived, I wouldn’t have dared to write on this topic. For others it may be a second hand version that happened to someone else but I have lived, crossed the dividers and given a harsh slap on the face of people who overreact to what they believe are ‘Spoilt no ideal no India marriages’ and what is more popularly known as ‘Love Marriage’.

I had always believed that I was different and I understand most of the girls think the same. However more than physical appearance and sexual attractions, I valued intelligence and abilities in a person. By that I did not mean that I wanted to marry Einstein but that I was attracted by people who were presentable, good at conversations and intelligent in a sober way. And I got all that when I met my husband back in 2007. We both had joined our very first job together in the same batch as college hires for the world’s top Software Company.  My boyfriend (now my husbandJ) was everything I would ever enjoy my life with and around. Added to that he is good looking and his sense of humor beats all Diamond comics’ characters. He is someone I had cried, fought, got back, laughed and gotten mad with. Most importantly, he is the one with whom it seems I have grown up personally and professionally.  We still fight, we still go for rides and we still love life like we did when we first met. You would think if everything was so good what would have been the reason for me advocating the courage I needed to write this article for? Well as Sachin Tendulakar said ‘There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there is Master card.’  In our case Master Card did not work that well err.. to start with I am a Hindu and he is a Sikh and I care 2 cents about that making a difference to our marriage back then and any day now, but some people did.

From 2008 to 2012 there were a series of incidents that shook my confidence in the pillars what they call ‘Bhartiya Sanskriti’. I have had a good education and a career so far. My parents are of progressive nature and they themselves had an understanding marriage (back in their time ‘Love marriage’ wasn’t a usable term). My in-laws are cooler than my parents. They don’t care about my religion, my culture, the Gods I worship or whether I am a veggie or indulge in fishes and shrimps. As long as WE are happy both are families are happy. But what will happens to the Aunties and Uncles, the Sharmas and Malhotras, Chinkis and Chunkis? What would they do without gossip? ‘Ladka Hindu nahi hai? (The guy isn’t from our caste), ‘These people educate their daughters and this is what happen when they start working.’ And many more random comments. 

I still remember the first time I went home after my parents had announced my wedding and there was a call from some relative enquiring about the groom’s religion and what would happen later in our lives. My father had strongly declined talking to this uneducated and poking chap after that very call. Some months back I heard the news of his daughter getting married to some boy who apparently had a bright degree from Australia and was settling there after marriage. They conveyed that the marriage was an arranged one and that their daughter was very traditional unlike someone who had married out of religion. The irony of the situation is that the dowry given to appease the groom was more than twice the money spent on the groom’s education by his parents. The girl’s parents mustn’t have spent that much on her education considering she flunked almost every other year and failed to complete her graduation.  The ‘Rightly called Bhatiya Nari’ is sitting at home chatting on facebook while I struggle with my job and work@home to find time for writing this article.  She started visiting psychiatrist for stress caused by shifting to Australia and all the work she has to manage there and finally ended up divorcing her husband for reasons not known err.. at least to myself, the Sharmas and Khannas know the story for sure though. When my mother told me this over the phone yesterday, all I managed was an ‘Oh’. I felt bad, not for the parents but for the daughter. On the other side I can revive myself in stressed moments very fast for I have earned the safety and stability of a good career and the decision of choosing a suited life partner. God forbid, if something goes wrong tomorrow between us, I wouldn’t want to run to my parents or blame them for imposing this marriage on me. I know WE would be able to sort out any problem any day with understanding and maturity. 

Our marriages, we married thrice :)
By this article I don’t condemn Arranged marriage, I criticize the people who treat one marriage as better and more stable than the other for reasons unproved. Marriage depends upon bonds that cannot be arranged.  
An arrange marriage without love would fail as miserably as a love marriage with lost love. 

What are your views? ‘Love or arranged?’. Want to know more? Watch Sony entertainment’s LOVE Marriage Ya ARRANGED Marriage!!