Had not been for this topic given by IndiBlogger & Sony
entertainment television and the courage to actually pen your real life
thoughts on moments I have lived, I wouldn’t
have dared to write on this topic. For others it may be a second hand version
that happened to someone else but I have lived, crossed the dividers and given a
harsh slap on the face of people who overreact to what they believe are ‘Spoilt no ideal no India marriages’ and
what is more popularly known as ‘Love Marriage’.
I had always believed that I was different and I
understand most of the girls think the same. However more than physical appearance
and sexual attractions, I valued intelligence and abilities in a person. By
that I did not mean that I wanted to marry Einstein
but that I was attracted by people who were presentable, good at conversations
and intelligent in a sober way. And I got all that when I met my husband back
in 2007. We both had joined our very first job together in the same batch as
college hires for the world’s top Software Company. My boyfriend (now my husbandJ) was everything I would
ever enjoy my life with and around. Added to that he is good looking and his
sense of humor beats all Diamond comics’ characters. He is someone I had cried,
fought, got back, laughed and gotten mad with. Most importantly, he is the one with
whom it seems I have grown up personally and professionally. We still fight, we still go for rides and we
still love life like we did when we
first met. You would think if everything was so good what would have been the
reason for me advocating the courage I needed to write this article for? Well
as Sachin Tendulakar said ‘There are
some things money can’t buy, for everything else there is Master card.’ In our case Master Card did not work that well
err.. to start with I am a Hindu and he is a Sikh and I care 2 cents about that
making a difference to our marriage back then and any day now, but some people
did.
From 2008 to 2012 there were a series of incidents that
shook my confidence in the pillars what they call ‘Bhartiya Sanskriti’. I have had a good education and a career so
far. My parents are of progressive nature and they themselves had an understanding marriage (back in their
time ‘Love marriage’ wasn’t a usable term). My in-laws are cooler than my
parents. They don’t care about my religion, my culture, the Gods I worship or
whether I am a veggie or indulge in fishes and shrimps. As long as WE are happy both are families are
happy. But what will happens to the Aunties
and Uncles, the Sharmas and Malhotras,
Chinkis and Chunkis? What would they
do without gossip? ‘Ladka Hindu nahi hai? (The guy isn’t from our caste), ‘These
people educate their daughters and this is what happen when they start working.’
And many more random comments.
I still remember the first time I went home after my
parents had announced my wedding and there was a call from some relative
enquiring about the groom’s religion and what would happen later in our lives. My
father had strongly declined talking to this uneducated and poking chap after
that very call. Some months back I heard the news of his daughter getting
married to some boy who apparently had a bright degree from Australia and was settling
there after marriage. They conveyed that the marriage was an arranged one and that their daughter
was very traditional unlike someone
who had married out of religion. The irony of the situation is that the dowry
given to appease the groom was more than twice the money spent on the groom’s
education by his parents. The girl’s parents mustn’t have spent that much on
her education considering she flunked almost every other year and failed to complete
her graduation. The ‘Rightly
called Bhatiya Nari’ is sitting at home chatting on facebook while I
struggle with my job and work@home to find time for writing this article. She started visiting psychiatrist for stress
caused by shifting to Australia and all the work she has to manage there and
finally ended up divorcing her husband for reasons not known err.. at least to myself,
the Sharmas and Khannas know the story for sure though. When my mother told me
this over the phone yesterday, all I managed was an ‘Oh’. I felt bad, not for the parents but for the daughter. On the other
side I can revive myself in stressed moments very fast for I have earned the safety
and stability of a good career and the decision of choosing a suited life partner.
God forbid, if something goes wrong tomorrow between us, I wouldn’t want to run
to my parents or blame them for imposing this marriage on me. I know WE would be able to sort out any
problem any day with understanding and maturity.
 |
| Our marriages, we married thrice :) |
By this article I don’t condemn Arranged marriage, I criticize
the people who treat one marriage as better and more stable than the other for
reasons unproved. Marriage depends upon bonds that cannot be arranged.
An arrange marriage without love would fail
as miserably as a love marriage with lost love.
What are your views? ‘Love or arranged?’. Want to know
more? Watch Sony entertainment’s LOVE Marriage Ya
ARRANGED Marriage!!
